Birthday Surprises
by Allons-y My Madman In A Box
Summary: It's River's birthday and she is stuck in jail...without her Doctor. Or is she? Perhaps the Doctor has some tricks up his sleeve. Rated T for adult themes, but there's no smut. (Sorry) Reviews will be cherished.


It was silly.

She knew it was silly. The man was busy, very busy. Not to mention he wasn't even on this planet, let alone this year. But River couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment that her husband was not here on her birthday. It's not like she expected much. She was in jail and well...it was the Doctor. But a visit, even a note, would've been nice.

She picked up her TARDIS journal running her fingertips over the grooves in the leather. She opened it randomly to a page and read an entry. Ahhh, Easter Island. They worshipped the Doctor there. She smiled and couldn't help but chuckle at the memory of the Doctor's flustered expression when the natives said they were going to build statues in his honor.

Well, at least they got the chin right.

A familiar sound woke her from her memories.

"Honey, I'm home."

There he was. Poking his head out of the TARDIS with that adorable smile and ridiculous hat.

"And what time do you call this?" she quipped with a smile. Her heart skipped a beat as he walked over to the controls and buzzed it with his precious screwdriver.

" Did you really think I would forget your birthday?" The door slid open with a click as the Doctor sauntered over to the cell with arms outstretched. He tried to move gracefully and powerfully, attempting a seductive stance and voice.

He failed miserably.

It was absolutely adorable.

He, very proud of himself, bowed at the waist and took River's hand leading her out of the cell and into a kiss. It was chaste and quick and only succeeded in frustrating River.

She was about to jump him right there when she looked to the top of his head.

He was wearing a fez.

"Didn't I shoot that horrible thing?"

He smirked. "I found a new one."

She reached up to straighten his bow tie and with a quick movement pulled the red fez off his head and placed it on her own.

"Well, if you insist..." The Doctor only managed to choke out the words as he struggled to calmly take in the fact that his absolutely gorgeous wife was wearing his hat of choice.

His trousers got a little too tight for comfort.

It was River's turn to smirk as she placed a finger on his lips and a hand on his chest, firmly pushing him inside the TARDIS' open doors.

"Hello, Sweetie," she whispered in his ear, pushing his body against the console and pulling him into a deep kiss while roughly working off his jacket.

The Doctor took advantage of her busy hands to grip her waist and turn her around as he now flipped their position, gaining back control. He broke their kiss long enough to give her a sly smile.

"Ah, River, you naughty, naughty girl."

Corporal Jenkins did not know what to do.

River Song's cell was empty...again. At least that was no surprise. No, that happened weekly. He wasn't worried for she always came back. In fact, this time, he wasn't so sure she ever left. You see, this time, there was a big, blue police box in the middle of his prison and that was something he had never dealt with. Unsure of what River was doing, he had his men quietly surround the box pointing their guns at its walls and door.

"Doctor!"

River's loud, but far from unhappy moan, bounced off the prison walls. A snicker rose form among his men as Jenkins blushed from his roots to his toes. He cleared his throat loudly.

Well, at least now he knew what she was doing.

Hushed bickering and rustling about could be heard from inside the box. Suddenly the head of a younger looking man with terribly mussed up hair poked out from the cracked police box door. That must be the Doctor.

"Uhhh..." The Doctor's blush was as red as an apple. It didn't look like the poor man could string two words together let alone a sentence.

"Uhh, we were just...ow, River!" The head flinched and retreated for a moment followed by more hushed bickering. He returned.  
"Yes, um, we...ow...I...forgot to, um, close the door. And, um, leave. We were supposed to go to Venice. Have you ever been to Venice? Lovely town, although watch out for the pretty girls. Last time, OW! RIVER, WOULD YOU STOP HITTING ME!" The head disappeared again, this time seemingly yanked from the door way. The door was firmly shut and within seconds started disappearing from sight, leaving the Corporal with a circle of men who had at this point given up on restraining their laughter.

Jenkins shook his head and finally allowed a chuckle to escape his lip. He wasn't worried. She would be back. Let her have her time with the Doctor.

It was her birthday after all.


End file.
